Recently, I thought I needed a new kitchen scale. (Turns out I found my old one under the seat of my car, but that’s a whole other post). So, I found myself in a kitchen supply store. I used to go into these shops with the eyes of a child standing in front of the F.A.O. Schwartz window. “Oh look dear, a device that can chop garlic simply by punching down the plunger. They have seventeen different styles of whisks!!!” Now, after several years, almost total erosion of my counter and storage space, and a credit card debt that rivals the Iraq War… I have emerged; Scarred but smarter, I now enter these stores with utmost caution and a healthy dose of good old Guerrilla Food cynicism.
Who needs a melon baller? Use a teaspoon. Oh no wait! How about you just don’t ball the damn melon. It looks cheesy and is a huge waste of the excess melon. Do you really need a special brush shaped like a potato for scrubbing spuds, and a smaller one shaped like a mushroom. Have we all really so low as to need the brush to look like the thing it is to scrub? Why not use your kitchen brush? Or why not just use your hands in a sink half-filled with water? Sure the potato won’t squeak with sterilized perfection… but it’ll be fine.
Do people really buy extra large two-pronged forks just for removing a turkey from the roasting pan? Oh my God!!! People roast turkeys maybe once a year. Let the bird rest and cook in the pan, then use a pair of tongs with one end inserted into the cavity, and your hand to balance. Presto, I just saved you $7.99 and a lot of drawer space.
I have assembled a short list of the top few items I declare worthless money and space wasters. If you have them in your kitchen, I urge you to purge your cabinets and drawers and start living the lofe of the clutter free.
Popcorn makers, sandwich presses, electric griddles, bread machines, salt mills, vacuum sealers, mini-food choppers, microwave plate covers, butter warmers, knife sharpeners, food dehydrators, quesadilla makers, egg cookers, and the end all be all of ridiculous gadgets… the electric can opener. Unless you have severe rheumatoid arthritis, are too weak to hold up a can (which should probably keep you out of the kitchen altogether anyway) or you are missing a limb, an electric can opener is a gimmick for the lazy and wealthy to waste more money on. I find that getting the can started and then holding it at precisely the right angle to ensure that it doesn’t twist off the tract and flop all over the counter is more difficult and annoying, and yes takes longer than if you had just whipped out the old hinged devil and given the can a crank for five seconds. An electric job takes up a plug and the same amount of counter space as a cantaloupe. Please stop the insanity.
Filed under: Kitchen Gadgets, Pop-Food-Culture | Tagged: electric can opener, popcorn makers, sandwich presses, electric griddles, bread machines, salt mills, vacuum sealers, mini-food choppers, microwave plate covers, butter warmers, knife sharpeners, food dehydrators, quesadilla makers, egg cookers, Kitchen Gadgets
